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I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to figure things out. I’ve tried it my way, tried to take what I wanted and impose it on Gods plans. Let me tell you how well that has worked out for me. However, it’s not really fair to sit here and tell you all about miracles and encounters and special circumstances without telling you how I got here.

I grew up in a family that believed in God, went to church, prayed, etc. etc. I kept going to church, praying, and believing until I got to college. Then I stopped going to church, prayed some nights, but still believed… or I think I believed.

Then I met a guy who insisted I needed to go to church with him. (This is just a guy not a romantically partner that will change my life). I had agreed to go to church, it was Mother’s Day and you know what happened? I woke up an hour before my alarm to a phone call from my sister. My mom was in the hospital with a possible heart attack. I jumped out of bed, threw some stuff in a bag and started driving home, no church for me. I really thought that was not a good sign for this church.

A few more months go by and I am in total bliss with my recent college graduation, a job, and an amazing boy that I saw no end with. Well, then the boat started rocking. I think God was frustrated with me. He was giving me everything I wanted, but I ignored Him because of that “bad omen.” Finally, to be blunt, shit hit the fan.

The boy and I break-up, my mom is in the hospital needing brain surgery (you can read though my posts for more on that), my grandma falls, my grandad can’t remember who I am, and I’m not happy with my job. Seemed like a good time to try out this church thing again.

It’s only been 5 months, but so much has changed because of all of the bad things. I’m not saying everything worked out and I have roses and butterflies. In fact, everything is nothing like I expected. My mom is happy, my grandparents continue their downward spiral, the boy who I loved so much and I can’t even speak, and I moved across the country.

You know what though? I’m happy. I got out here and I found a church. That is the most important foundation. I need to surround myself with people who love the Lord, people who will pick me up when I’m failing, falling, and scared out of my mind. It’s too soon to tell where everything will lead, but I jumped into this with the Lord knowing He was kicking me out of my own ways. I wish I would have listened sooner, I wish I would have never stopped listening before, but I can’t change how it has played out. I can, however, change how I continue.

I like to say worrying is something I am great at…. I’m also great at telling God how I think things should be. What I am finally learning though is if you take the time to sit with the Lord and soak Him into your heart, you will change, mountains will become mole hills, and problems will have solutions.

I think back to every time I almost came back to God, every time I almost walked into a church, read a book, and I was stopped. I am starting to realize that the Devil medals more in the lives of the ones who are seeking then the ones who have found or than those that are lost. He doesn’t waste his time, he plots to destroy you. He plans on you turning and never looking back. Everything should have destroyed me, but I am stronger and braver than I ever was. I have found a peace that will never leave. I have found myself again and it was about time because I really missed me.

What’s even crazier is that according to the world I should feel alone right now, but in all truth I’ve never felt more alive. I started this blog when I was really confused on the path my life was taking to remind myself that no matter how bad or confusing things were each day gave us something to smile about. And when I struggle I look through my posts and remember all of the things I have that make me smile.

Today I am smiling for a fresh start, which seems only fitting for Easter 🙂

Happy Easter everyone!

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